I miss my old car. I wish I had just gotten it fixed rather than getting a newer one.
My old car was a 1988 Olds Cutlas Siera with somewhere in the area of 300,000 miles on it. I got rid of it because the transmission went.
My new car is a 1999 Ford Taurus. The last few repair bills have been $180, $275, $160, $800, and $425… and the problems still aren't fixed… on top of it there are more. I don't have the money to keep pouring into a car that was supposed to make the problems with the old one go away.
In short, I'm in the market for a new old car… something I can work on myself so it doesn't cost me my life's savings every time I need to get it fixed.
I'm sick of it all.
I have debt, but I also have living expenses.
College loan companies have been given more power than the IRS, and aren't afraid to stomp on the poor.
I went to college, and couldn't afford to finish, and unfortunately did poorly because I was under so much financial strain that I couldn't concentrate on my studies. Now I'm out, been out for 4 years, and have so much debt from it that I can barely afford to survive. I get my paycheck every two weeks, and have a choice, pay my college loand, or pay my living expenses, yet I can't get a forbearance because I “make too much money”.
When the company calls you asking for money you don't have, they give you a hard time. Ya know what? I have enough stress in my life, and put up with enough bullshit where I shouldn't have to be given grief over a bill that I didn't get shit out of. It's quite simple. I don't feel obligated to pay for nothing, yet I'm stuck with it…There's nothing I can do about it, and there's someone there that thinks I can produce money from nothing.
On th other hand, when I have the money to pay them, bills always have, and always will come first. Maybe I should just send them my entire paycheck, lose my job because I can't afford gas, or insurance, then get kicked out of my home because I can't pay rent and starve to death from lack of food….or I could just go jump off a bridge…maybe they would fucking be happy then.
So I guess I only have one thing left to say… hey college loan companies, FUCK YOU!
Why does misery love company?
I never understood it, and hope I never need to.
I was down last time I blogged, and that's just how life is. Things go wrong, and the human mind just wants to shut down, shut out others, and destroy all positive feelings it can possibly have. It's not real, it's not even useful like going into shock, or most of your other natural reactions. Most of my last post is true, I'm 26, and have nothing material to show for it… but that's a problem with society. The American public bases status on material and monetary posessions.
That's not my problem…
Life is to short to worry about what others think. You can go through your whole life being a jerk, bringing others down, panhandling pity, being a star, or being a saint. In the end, it all amounts to death.
There is no sense in being down too long. Be down, do what you have to do to dispath it then get on with life. Otherwise it will be gone before you know it.
If you can stop worrying about things long enough to realize that in the end it won't matter anyway, you can lower your expectations of life and start enjoying what you do have. The biggest drag on people is just that…expectation. It's a HUGE obstical to get over, but once it's gone, you can get on with life and make the best of it.
So…just remember…If you aren't inspired right now, stop expecting so much, it's just a blog…if you are…then congratulations, you are ready to take the next step to a better life!
